So You Want to Be a Rock ‘n’ Roll Star
Yeah, I want to be a rock 'n' roll star. My best guess as to when the thought first crossed my mind? Somewhere around 1967, the Summer of Love, when we went to visit my cousin Leo up at Berkeley, and my mom had to yank me away from constantly asking the longhairs on Telegraph, "are you a hippie?"
I got sidetracked from rock 'n' roll, in spite of my talent on the blues harp, because let's face it, making it as an artist is lottery-level odds, even if you're good. That's why I've been all sorts of other things: administrative assistant, graphic designer/production artist, IT business owner. And yet, I've never given up the dream. Storytelling is my rock 'n' roll. I've been doing it since the fifth grade, when my pal Elston and I wrote our first novel, the story of Jed and Stefia, two talking dogs, when we should have been paying attention in Miss Muehleman's class. I was a writer then, I'm a writer and performer now. What are the odds at this stage in life? Still lottery-level. But what the hell.
If you're any sort of artist, university degrees and trade school certificates don't mean much. The School of Hard Knocks is where you pay your dues, and even then, there's no guarantee of success.
That means you've got to get a day job. But what? If you're like most creatives, you're going to become toxic and unemployable. Which means you've got to go into business for yourself, even if you don't want to. One option is to become a notary. Lots of people do that, and some of them make a living. That's the path I decided to go (I'm about to receive my commission). Still, not enough of a move to differentiate from the crowd. You've got to stand out. Me, I'm a storytelling notary. That's different. Not different enough. In standup comedy, there's something called the rule of three's. At least, I think that's what it's called, and I believe it's a comedy thing. Regardless, I don't want to just be a storytelling notary. What I really want to be is Boise, Idaho's #2 storyteller, wedding officiant, and notary. Why wedding officiant? Well, it just seems to go well with the storytelling. Instead of always telling MY story, I can also tell other people's stories. Like the one thing about you that only your fiance knows. Or how you met. Or what Aunt Maybelle really thinks of you. That would be a lot of fun.
Doesn't have to stop there. I'm not going to put it on my business card (remember, rule of three's), but I'm also untouchable when it comes to eulogies. I'm the one who'll finally reveal what Aunt Maybelle really thought of all of you gathered here today to pay your final respects.
Poor Aunt Maybelle, she left us so suddenly. Was it an accident, or did Uncle Robert spike her morning whiskey with one too many Benadryl?
Whatever you're doing, no matter the odds, don't give up because you think there's not a snowball's chance in hell you're going to make it. You might not make it, or maybe you will. Can you imagine showing up at The Pearly Gates one day, full of Benadryl, and St Peter's working the box office, and The Byrds are singing, and St Peter takes one look at you and says "hey, didn't you want to be a rock 'n' roll star?" And you're going to stand there feeling all kinds of ashamed, as St Peter gazes at you sadly in that non-judgy way that makes you feel a thousand times worse for being a colossal disappointment to yourself and everyone else.
Don't be a quitter. Pursue the dream and do whatever you've got to do to feed your family and not be a disappointment to the ones who passed before you.
