Today is Jada’s birthday.
Who’s Jada? Jada is half of Bristol Cavern’s dynamic duo Social Media team, the ones who recorded me telling stories and playing harmonica deep in the bowels of Tennessee’s biggest and best cave that runs underneath the City of Bristol, where I chased fireflies in the cemetery after dark when I wasn’t supposed to be there.
I hadn’t even brought a harmonica with me from Boise, because I wasn’t planning to play harmonica in a cave, but I was able to pick one up and not for cheap at Guitar Center in Johnson City, which is one of the Tri-Cities.
Jada’s Zach’s kid sister. You know Zach, he’s the manager at Bristol Caverns, or at least he seems like someone who makes decisions on behalf of the owners till they contradict him later. He’s the one who’s getting married and having his dad officiate instead of me. I think he might have already gotten married right after we flew back home, and then shortly after that, Penny flew down to LA to work and broke her foot on her boss’s driveway. I think we should get our friend Karen, who used to work at the penitentiary, to pull some strings and send my wife’s boss to prison. People should have to pay for their crimes.
Jada wants a MADE IN CHINA tattoo, because that’s where she’s from, and that’s where Zach and his family went to adopt her, sometime after she peed on the Great Wall of China. I think everybody should pee on the Great Wall of China.
Jada’s not the only one they brought back to America. She’s got two younger sisters, but Zach says she’s the best one. And she does a great Asian nail lady impression. Imagine if she were to do that while peeing on the Great Wall of China.
When Jada’s in the cave, she likes to do the Worm, which you can see on YouTube. She’s a natural, and not only that, if you’re a beginning moon walker, she can perfect your technique, even when you’re not in the cave.
One final birthday note: she likes to wear a bat onesie for the cave tours and to photo bomb Zach’s wedding. See, I told you he got married already. If he ends up getting married again, maybe I can officiate that one.
Jada, I hope you have a wonderful birthday, and that someday when you get married, you hire me as your officiant.
If you’d like to personally wish Jada a happy birthday, visit @bristolcavernsofficial on Instagram.
Happy Birthday Jada.