“if only i could harness my complete lack of ambition.”

I started a new, full-time job at CapEd Credit Union as a Roaming Teller last week. This might raise several eyebrows for you:

Aren't you kind of old to be playing with other people's money?

You've been self-employed since dinosaurs roamed the earth. Why go work for somebody else rather than reunite with the other dinosaurs?

Weren't you planning to be a professional speaker/storyteller/standup comic?

Valid questions. But I'm a huge fan of Jean de La Fontaine's observation: “a person often meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it.” My mentor, Barry Spacks, put it a different way. He said, "you're very elaborately NOT writing your novel."

Firing up a new career as a performance artist (turns out there's an industry category for what I aspire to be) requires several things. I'll focus on a few, like having enough time and money to make it from your old life to your new life. You also need to have an unhealthy amount of ego and/or self-confidence, along with ambition. You have to really want the thing.

In my case, the thing is a one-man show, performed in front of a sold-out, raving crowd (enthusiastic, not stark) at Madison Square Garden, sometime in the next fifteen years. Ali did it, Trump did it, I'm going to by God do it, too. There's a famous story of a young boxing fan who was trying to get to the Fight of the Century. This was back in the days before Google Maps. He stopped a passerby and asked, "how do you get to Madison Square Garden?" The response was "start by doing your bit for free at the Senior Living centers, Rotary, and anywhere else that'll have you. The most important prerequisite is to get in your reps." True story. And that's exactly what I'm doing as I spend my days at the credit union.

As I drove to my first day of training, I felt a sense of apprehension, dread, and disappointment in myself. After all, self-employed all those years, then turning to the world of keynote speaking and its fame and glory, and not being able to bring it off in a timely fashion was a bit crushing. "I want what I want when I want it," to paraphrase.

But a funny thing happened almost immediately upon entering the first meeting room. The People Experience people were super nice, and they were eager to hear our stories. Everybody wanted us to succeed. As I made my way through that first week, I noticed that everyone's got each other's backs. My boss took us to lunch, on the clock. They're real big on making sure we separate our on the clock life from our off the clock life. Work stuff I would have done on my own time in the past is a no-no. I was reminded of several amazing previous jobs from my distant past that I assumed were one-off's. No way I could ever find that perfect combination again. I was wrong.

I'm excited for the built in opportunities at the credit union, and I'm also working to create my own. Like a storytelling open mic for the employees and the wider community. And me as the company mascot, a fired-up hybrid of Colonel Sanders and the most interesting man in the world. Mark my words on that one.

When Saturday rolled around, I was tired but happy. I felt zero pressure to do anything, which is weird for me. I typically feel like there's something I'm supposed to be working on, to advance my mission as…what exactly is my mission again?

I hung out at home and ran both my Webers (kettle and Smokey Mountain). Filed for an LLC as Louis B. Katz, since the other Louis Katz stole my name (even though he's younger than me). Did laundry. Went for a short walk and some ice cream. Took a nap. Watched movies with my wife till way past my weekday bedtime. Programmed my lightbulbs to automatically hit the right brightness when I wake up and when I go to bed. Skipped an online storytelling event just because I didn't want to go.

I'll admit I'm fretting about my complete lack of ambition. Our lives often turn out different than we anticipated. Priorities shift. God stops us in our tracks and opens our eyes to what was rushing by unnoticed. It's up to us to take that pause and reassess. Even in the credit union, we're encouraged to slow down, because "slow is smooth, and smooth is fast."

Lack of ambition goes against all sorts of things we're taught from an early age. Lack of ambition goes against the core messaging of LinkedIn and every other social media platform that's not solely focused on funny cat videos. Lack of ambition may be the key to a success that goes way beyond the markers we've set for ourselves.

As I sit here on a quiet Sunday morning contemplating ambition, it occurs to me that we rise or fall to our natural levels. Those of us who wish to reach Mars will make it happen. We'll get help along the way. We'll overcome the obstacles. But not everyone wants to be the one to reach Mars. Our goals may be far more humble. Madison Square Garden within fifteen years. Keeping a smile on till it's time to clock out. Sitting on the couch watching a movie with our wives. Performing at an open mic.

I'm all for pushing a bit. But there's also a part of me that celebrates the quiet, everyday human who shows up every day, not asking for much, contributing in a way that's not necessarily obvious. We may never know the daily struggles and triumphs of our barista or parking lot attendant. They may not seek attention or a bold, courageous purpose. Simply being is the reward.

We can call the art of being a form of lack of ambition, and we may try to harness it for a higher goal. But we don't have to. Who we are is enough.